Four-in-a-Ned G41

Lady Langlee B&B

Four pairs of Glaswegian bed and breakfast owners put their reputations on the line by staying at each other’s establishments. They pay only what they deem to be an acceptable amount for the experience, with one of them being named best value for money.

Four-in-a-ned was not like the sister show “Four-in-a-bed” as this was based on how warm your Glaswegian welcome could be.  For example, an ‘alright hen’ would be much more appreciated over a good morning.

Channel 4 have approached her to be part of Four-in-a-ned pilot series and being the landlady of the most prestigious B&B in the East End, how could she refuse. Looking out her Leopard skin full length coat and black high heels (al a Patsy Stone) excitement flooded over her and not the ‘tropical moments’ she was used too.

The Lady Langlee Bed and Breakfast, was situated at Parkhead Cross, within walking distance of St Michael’s Catholic Church, Parkhead G31 4DJ. Angie’s parish. The general clientele were labourers/tradesman working in the local area. It was also mobbed at the home games held at Paradise. The pub had been handed down to her from her grandmother Marcella, who founded the B&B in the early 50s, think local café/ice cream bar slightly renovated to become the B&B.

Being accessible from the ground floor, the old parlour was dated with tiled walls, still smoke stained since 2007.  Angie called it character as were the 70’s toilets.

The Lady Langlee had three rooms; Billy McNeil suite at a cost of £35 per room including cooked breakfast. The Paddy Bonnor and Danny McGrain rooms were £25 per room owing to no hot water and a bowl of Weetabix (non-branded of course). The highlight was of course the Tommy Burns Bar which had “Where are the lads that stood with me when history was made” carved into the gantry. The bar was also frequented by the PK (self proclaimed Mr Adidas and the CSC baby crew).

Angie had been landlady at the local B&B most of her life shooting down punters with one look and at turning a certain age of wanted a new challenge.  She ran the Lady Langlee with her daughters who were as wide as the Clyde.  Many a time she had to swiftly get the punters out of the bar after last orders, a knack her ex-Biffa never mastered, such was the selfish profit consuming drinking and gambling bassa.

The other contestants were No2 from Castlemilk (Kevin and Alice) “The Oasis”, No3 Govanhill (Mick and Mary) “Blazenhead”; originally from Galashiels were intrigued by the origin of the Lady Langlee.  Last but no means least No 4 Ibrox “the Klan” ran by (Hun and Senga).

Angie welcomed The Oasis first, and led them to the Billy McNeil suite, with an impressive “I was just thinking about you hen”. The Blazenhead and Klan following soon after.

Room inspections first:

The Oasis were impressed with the wood chip tri colour wallpaper and bare floorboards. The Blazenhead felt Paddy Bonnor had “added” character with the inclusion of the goalpost window frames. The Klan equally impressed with the lack of towels and hot water “Felt like hame” said Senga.

The welcome dinner would be held in the bar, on the menu were Frank Cross pies and Farmfoods frozen chips and Bird’s Eye peas, followed by Auntie Bessie jam roll poly and Ambrosia custard. Bound to be winner as this was lapped up by the other contestants. PK and the mob played pool whilst Bob Marley – Could you be loved blared from the jukebox, a Parkheid anthem in back in the day.

“Could you be loved and be loved?
Could you be loved and be loved?

Don’t let them fool ya
Or even try to school ya, oh, no
We’ve got a mind of our own
So go to Hell if what you’re thinking is not right
Love would never leave us alone
A-in the darkness ya must come out to light”

PK up on his feet and desperately not trying to spill his JD & Coke was well received. The evening’s activity also included a game of dominoes and some “Asda’s own crisps and peanuts”. No cheating was the golden rule but was never adhered too.

The next morning, they made their way down to breakfast (apart from the Klan who rampant hangovers). The Tommy Burns bar ‘again’ along with the hauf pint and a short brigade not long after the official opening of 11 in the morning. Eight in the morning if you added a roll n bacon or square slice to your drinks order (always left uneaten). The Oasis enjoyed the cooked breakfast of wee wullie winkies and spaghetti hoops and Angie and her girls also devoured the tasty breakfast. The “Weetabix” never made it to the table for No2 and No3.

Check-out was 1pm as usual to allow Angie a well-deserved nap as she had been up for days prior to this planning her television debut (washed her face and got the good china out of the pawn), and organising such a feast for her B&B peers.

Everyone seemed to enjoy their stay at the Lady Langlee. The feedback criteria (on the anonymous forms) was based on:

How are the HOSTS at Langlee B&B? 

No2 – Salt of the Earth – couldn’t fault the ned welcome – pure class

No3 – Angie and the girls couldn’t have been more welcoming

No4 – What were their names again?  Where are we?

How CLEAN is Lady Langlee B&B?  

No2 – Impressive, although Castlemilk cockroaches are easier to handle.

No3 – As clean as our previous establishment in Gala ‘The Ghetto Woodcutter’

No4 – Spotless, toilet paper was a good idea, need to consider this at the Klan.

What are the FACILITIES like at Lady Langlee B&B?

No2 – The drunken rebel singers were an added bonus, as was the Hooch ‘al a Sara Heid’

No3 – couldn’t fault the single bed fur twa!

No4 – Slept like a baby, or was that the bottle of Bucky I smuggled into Danny McGrain?

How was your STAY at the Lady Langlee B&B?

No2 – Road facing window meant we memorised the 89 and 90 routes all night “nae bother”

No3 – We slept like the lambs on the Melrose Hills.

No4 – Gubbed 

How was your breakfast at Lady Langlee B&B?

No2 – Spaghetti Hoops – and no the cheap wans either – superb

No3 – the leftover Frank Cross pies were delicious.

No4 – hauf pint and a short and a bacon roll at eight in the morning – standard

Would you stay here again?

No2 – Yes, the Billy McNeil suite was plush as fuck!

No3 – Yes – the spirit of Langlee lives on here.

No4 – Aye, even longer for a dominoes lock in with those two Angie’s lassies, who know how to fleece you without even remembering it!

Payment (judgement day) 

No2 – Happily paid the £35 cost of the room

No3 – Paid the £25 and booked up for Angie’s Hogmanay bash

No4 – Paid the £25 per person, per room plus a tip owing to the back facing alley view £60 (overpayment of £35)!!

The melee that followed with Hun and Senga “having a domestic” and the noisy the departure of the guests was such that Four-in-a-ned pilot series was never aired on Channel 4, but her girls caught it all on their i-phones for prosperity.

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